Why do they like loneliness

Why do they like loneliness?

Meetings with friends, picnics in a large company, parties in the society of new acquaintances. All of this they prefer privacy. Not to see anyone nor talk to anyone, stay at home. For someone it is a nightmare, for them – the ideal of life. Why?

In our "hypercontact" society, lones cause distrust, fear or even envy due to their self-sufficiency. At the same time, many of them are not at all against communication: they just love to dose him. For introverts loneliness – fuse from excessive stimulation. At the same time, visiting with themselves, they return to the external world with full forces. But some years avoid society of other people.

What is behind the gratefulness?

"I do not need anyone"

Maria, 35-year-old translator, holds most of the time. She admits that he is satisfied with such a position: "I prove myself that for happiness nobody needs me". Psychotherapist and clinical psychologist Frederick Fanto sees a source of such behavior in childhood: "If I was told that I was the smartest, the strongest and most beautiful, why do I need someone else? That he can give me?"

If the parents did not encourage the need for a child to discover another person and share with his thoughts and feelings, he can develop selfish features. A collision with other people who can appreciate it not as high as parents can shake his confidence and induce clicter in themselves. In communication, such a person often pursues "Sinvertal Syndrome" – every new acquaintance causes him a fear of being "exposed", to appear before others in his banality and worthlessness.

"I’m afraid of society"

According to Frederick Fithe, the desire of complete independence from others most often hides the fear of condemnation or disturbances of the borders from others. Social alarm may be congenital or acquired. For example, as in the case of 42-year-old Stepan: "We never had strangers in our house. For parents, their marriage was a consolation in the world, which seemed to them hostile ". He has formed an excessive mistrust to others: "When your parents tell you and show all their behavior that people cannot be trusted, you intend to become an individualist".

This installation may also be a consequence of traumatic memories. 42-year-old Anastasia suffered humiliation as a child: at school, the teacher mocked her, publicly ridiculed her awkwardness. Today, Anastasia prefers the life of the "reject". At least so she says. Frederick Fantud has his own considerations on this matter: "When the first experience of confrontation with others is unsuccessful, it can cause avoiding behavior in the future".

"I want to avoid pain"

Why do they like loneliness

For many, the relationship is presented with something unpredictable and spontaneous. Perhaps, in childhood, parents are especially the mother – for a long time left a child of one, and he developed disbelief as a protective response to a sense of loss. "Such people avoid creating connections because they do not want to fall into dependence, – says psychologist. – They are disturbed by the thought of loss: they are afraid to lose someone to whom they are already attached. They prefer to stay alone rather than experience again acute pain from childhood ".

What to do?

Turn out

The habit of constant loneliness changes the perception of the world. A person is increasingly harder to face unexpected situations, especially when they demand to talk with someone, to achieve something from them. The less often you communicate in people, the more you are disturbed by this prospect. But this habit can be changed. Do not be passive. Show the initiative. Join the conversation. Practice on those who you trust: relatives, close friends, colleagues. Call, offer meetings. You will see that your attitude to the world and will quickly start changing.

Remove focus

The concentration of itself is often neighboring vulnerability: a person seems to others constantly evaluate and condemn it. To end these alarms, learn decentration – the ability to overcome egocentrism and watch yourself from. Integet to the outside world, people who dissuade you, ask questions. Opening himself for a new experience, you not only end with a painful self-confidence, but also learn how to better understand the motivation of other people, develop empathy in relation to them.

Why do they like loneliness

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