Why do we need money so

Why do we need money so

Earn, occupy, accumulate, save, spend – quite a few of our daily worries and emotions is connected with money. Their main function – ensure our life. But the way each of us applies to them, says a lot about us, explains the psychologist Anna Fenko.

Talk about them few of us leaves indifferent. It seems that the saying that happiness is not in the money, but in their quantity, is becoming increasingly popular. According to a survey "Levada Center", 83% of ours believe that first of all they lack material wealth. And for many of us, it is not reduced only to the objective lack of money.

"Ten years ago, I dreamed and did not believe that someday I could change my old" six "for something more decent, – recalls 40-year-old Julia. – Today, my position has seriously grew, the salary – accordingly, and I still do not leave the irrational feeling that tomorrow there will be something and money will not have enough money again … "

Why we spend irrational?

From the point of view of logic, our attitude to such a utilitarian subject, as money, could be purely rational: do so that it brings you the maximum income. But in real life everything happens differently.

"Most psychological research demonstrates that how we earn money, we do, do (or do not) savings, take a debt or spend on gifts, sometimes contradicts all economic axioms," says psychologist Anna Figo.

30-year-old Dmitry, dreaming to buy his own apartment, monthly leaves almost half of his salary in the halls of slot machines. 43-year-old Veronica buys for himself only on sales, and products – in wholesale markets, but every time it can not resist some other expensive perfume novelty. 28-year-old Tatiana always carefully monitors the performance of rituals related to money: do not pass them through the threshold, do not whistle at home, do not give an empty wallet.

"As a rule, behavior is determined not so much rational concern for its own benefit, how many secret fears, memories, stereotypes and prejudices, – comments on Anna Fenko. – And if we want to be owners of their own money and do not want them to manage us, you need to understand why money play such an important role in our life, as we behave in relation to them and how money affects relations with people. ".

By occupying the most important place in our life, money themselves remain abstraction: after all, banknotes and coins make sense only because they symbolize the value of things. But for each of us, they mean what we want to see them in them or unconsciously hope to get.

Safety, power, love surrounding, freedom … From a psychological point of view, money is the perfect screen for our projections: how the image is projected on the movie screen, and we attribute those meanings that are significant for us.

Psychoanalysis of money

Sigmund Freud first drew attention to the fact that the attitude of an adult person to money can be determined by the peculiarities of his children’s desires. According to psychoanalytic theory, all children are enjoyable in defecation. An accrediting child to the pot, parents can express enthusiasm and approval when he comes out "correctly", or punish and scold it if he resists.

By time, the teaching of the pot coincides with that stage of the child’s development, when he fights for autonomy and independence, and often this procedure becomes a source of conflict. The conflict may increase due to the inconsistent behavior of parents, who, on the one hand, appreciate the feces as a gift of a child, and on the other hand, they consider them dirty, do not touch them and try to throw away quickly.

Psychoanalysis directly links traumatic experience of teaching pots with the subsequent type of compensatory behavior. How the buying holds money is considered as a reflection of children’s reflection of defecation at the request of parents. Transzhir, on the contrary, look like a child seeking to approval by his "gifts".

Money gives a sense of security

34-year-old Irina works literally to wear: it is important for her to be confident that her little son will receive a good education in the future, and parents (if something happens to them) – the best medical care. She tries to accumulate as much money as possible – just so she feels like relative security.

Ivan’s parents died in a car accident when he was 12 years old. Today he is 37, he is a manager of a construction company and, according to all his colleagues, a workaholic businessman with great future. "As a man, I have to make money as much as possible," he is convinced. – Money gives me confidence that with me and my loved ones never will happen to happen. ".

"The one who is looking for security in money needs a constant increase in wealth, as if drug addict – in an increase in the dose," explains Anna Fenko. Such behavior leads to alienation from other people, as a person ceases to consider its loved ones as a source of help and support.

Opportunity to feel power and superiority

44-year-old entrepreneur Sergey is sure that everything can in this life: to pay off from the traffic police, in front of the inspector, driving on the oncoming lane, fly away by the international flight, to which all the tickets sold, write to a country party with friends at least Madonna. Money gives him a special sense of power and superiority.

"Feeling your own significance, it is unconsciously trying to regain his feeling of omnipotence, which, in the opinion of psychoanalysts, everyone experiences in infancy, – Anna Fenko comments. – Such people possess – or pretend that they have – complete independence from people around people and life circumstances and are trying to put others dependent on themselves. Only this gives them confidence in their forces. ".

Money gives freedom

The most common and approved by the modern society is the meaning attributed to the money – this is freedom.

"If I had so much money as you can wish, I would buy a hotel on some tropical island. And settled his friends there – completely free!"- Dreams 40-year-old successful journalist Igor. Indeed, money is released from rules, obligations, everyday routine.

"But those who hoped in exchange for money to acquire freedom in the broad sense of the word, in fact, with their help, they unconsciously seek to suppress the fear of responsibility, depending on the circumstances and other people," pay off "from obligations," said Anna Fenko.

Love for money?

56-year-old Larisa literally tasks native and familiar with useless gifts. Protests and explanations do not help: it seems to not hear words and does not feel the awkwardness, which you have to experience everyone from the violent ". So she is trying to "buy" a self-esteem and affection around.

"As a rule, as a child, such people were deprived of their attention and care of parents, – explains Anna Fenko. – They did not feel truly loved ones and therefore, becoming adults, try not to be in the position of a rejected child. However, it is difficult for them to fully accept response love, and their generosity often masks hostility to those who depend on whom. Not knowing what you can love disinterestedly, they are forced to buy, sell or even steal love. The only treatment for them is genuine emotional proximity ".

Why do we need money so

Money concentrates our fantasies, emotions and desires. Often it seems that they manage our lives. But money themselves is not able to act and lead something. They acquire this ability only when we ourselves do their power.

What confuses us in relationships with money?

The awkwardness in handling money is familiar to many. Psychoanalyst, Researcher of the Faculty of Psychology MSU Tatyana Alavidze has deciphered several typical cases for us.

"I do not like to spend money: I do not invite friends to myself, I never give expensive gifts, I do not give money to debt …"

The thrift, reaching proud, can manifest itself in any situations implied by exchange – property, emotional, creative. Reluctance to spend, giving arising from the desire to compensate for the feeling of helplessness that we experienced in childhood.

The unconscious desire to save, not to spend in symbolic form gives a sense of security, possessing something and enjoyable to dispose of this property at its discretion. Such extended independence gives a man to calm down for which, alas, it is necessary to pay: to build close and trusting relationships with others from such positions are very difficult.

"I constantly finish money, regularly crying for others, I spend huge amounts for gifts even for unfamiliar people …"

Wastefulness can talk about the unconscious and unsatisfied need for love, warmth and adoption. A person projects this need for others and rushing them to pay them, forgetting about their own interests. It cannot be said that he "buys love", a charity with intent, based on reciprocal support.

On the contrary, as a rule, he takes an armament of some socially approved idea (help to near, care for those who are weaker and t. D.), which would support such behavior and helped explain to himself and others, "in a word, goes to any tricks, just to not admit that he just lacks human heat.

"I am horrified by the idea of ​​asking for a salary increase. I can’t talk about it with the boss … "

If the child from childhood is treated with tenderness, understanding and love, then he can hardly have a question about his own value. If the parents behave inconsistently, they are taken, they reject him, his sense of own value is not formed.

As a result, it turns out to be matured, such a child is not able to separate the idea of ​​the value of his "I" from the monetary assessment of his own labor. Conduct the border between its human essence and its professional role it turns out to be an unbearable task for him. Failure in the material sphere becomes a psychological trauma for him: it seems to him that it was rejected and underestimated not as a professional, but as a person. And, of course, in the future, he will avoid situations fraught with such painful experiences.

"I better be interrupted from bread on the water, I will go to work at a construction site or wash the entrances, but I will not take a penny from my parents …"

Such a sharp position indicates problems with separation, separation from parents. If a simple life situation is the acquisition of material independence – becomes a reason for such emotional statements, it means that the problem is not allowed and takes a lot of strength. It is difficult for him to feel like a "individual" person, possibly due to too strong emotional attachment to parents passing into dependence on them.

In other cases, this may be a reaction to the position of parents, consciously or unconsciously requiring the child of the "debt of life" – as if he is obliged to compensate for their efforts spent on his birth and upbringing. However, in any case, we are not dealing with a conscious choice, but with a desperate jerk, with a radical attempt to gain freedom, the result of which can be both refundable to the former dependence, and the complete cessation of any relationship with parents.

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