Why do we post life for later
"I’ll buy an apartment (I will move to another city, I will change the job, I will create my company, I will write a book) – and then I will hold a healing to fame!"For the sake of global, albeit a distant goal, we are ready to sacrifice many. What is happening here and now is not so important, it is not real life, but a draft. But the years go there, and, looking back, we understand that we understand that a big piece of our life is simply missed. On the neurosis of a deferred life – in an interview with the psychologist Elena Martynovaya consultant.
Psychologies: Many of us ever had to subordinate their lives of a certain important, but far goal, to sacrifice something for her, sometimes for years. Does this mean that in that period we lived "pending life"?
Elena Martynova: Of course not. The desire to achieve the goal and sacrifice of something for this is not neurosis of pending life. The determining moment is how a person himself perceives his life here and now. Does he consider that its current life is preparatory, "Chernovaya"? And the "real" will begin only after he reaches its purpose?
At the same time, the "preparatory period" can occupy 10, and 20, and 30 years. And all this time a person infringe upon, deprivates its needs. Maybe, for example, do not start a family, do not install friendly connections, do not allow yourself to fully rest or equip the housing.
The term "pending life" itself introduced a psychologist Vladimir Serkin in circulation, who conducted research among those who work in the north. Many of these people believe that they will heal in real only when they earn enough money and move "on the mainland" as they say. Decades sometimes go on it.
And even if the goal in the end is carried out (which happens always) and they buy themselves, conditionally, the house in the south, then still face disappointment. They suddenly realize that a huge piece of life was missed, live not in full force, first of all emotionally.
Other natural life senses are lost behind the overall goal. Children, relationships, nature, art – a man leaves it behind her brackets and then discovers that he has nothing to remember. This causes real suffering.
It happens that the goal only "lulls" helps a person to reconcile with the fact that his life does not suit him. He really does not do anything to bring her. Years go by, and he does not even begin to write his cherished book or create a company. Such examples are many around. This is also a deferred life?
Yes, this is also an example of a neurosis deferred life. Health strategy – a "wish-I-do". Strategy Delayed life – "I want to-can-save" (and often permanently).