Why do we want all the running of the ideal partner

Why do we want all the running of the ideal partner

The prudent, careful, careful – it would seem, such a man can only dream of. So why, after a date, we do not call him, disappear from the radars and talk about it to friends: "He is so good, but …"?

Such behavior seems strange, but many people do this, whose previous relations resembled American slides, or those who have met the emotionally inaccessible partners for a long time.

With a new companion, they feel calm, safe, but somehow everything is too long, boring, predictable. So, I want to say: "Sorry, dear, but …" why it happens?

Our brain is used to "emotional tension"

Emotional swings, powder barrel, the state "like on needles" – about so we feel in unhealthy relationships. We have toxic patterns: we are waiting for the next burst of emotions, and any – both positive and negative, and, if we do not get, it becomes bored with a partner.

Usually, a similar model of behavior is formed in childhood, if we are brought up inaccessible or emotionally unstable and unpredictable parents. Such relationships and seem to be real love we are looking for all your life (until we are aware of the problem and, ideally, do not go on therapy).

Why do we want all the running of the ideal partner

We lack an element of unpredictability

Secrets, inconsideration, hints, unfulfilled promises – an integral part of unhealthy relationships. The perfect partner of all this can not give: he or she does not go around yes about, it’s not shy about talking about feelings, leaves no leaving in guesses.

  • consistent in what he says and does;
  • Reliable and affordable – both emotionally and physically (he always has time for us);
  • honestly and openly talks about his desires;
  • attentive to the needs of another.

And such stability and predictability is read as the absence of real feelings, passion, the very connection. It seems to us that there is just "not our" man. But the problem is not in it or in it, but in us. And the best thing we can do is not to hack on the root, and slow down and try to understand yourself.

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