Why don’t friends return to us debts
You know each other for many years. Your friendship has withstood any tests, while at one fine moment your friend does not ask for a considerable amount of money … a month passes, two. Looks like a debt forgot. And reminders cause an attack of rage, or close to just stops responding to calls. Why do money dooms dangerous for a relationship?
Alexandra and Anna Friend from school. Sasha has a successful business, and Anya works in the office and occupies a very modest position. When the girlfriend needed money for repairs, Alexander gladly helped her, lent her alternative amount. Repair has been made for half a year ago, but Anna does not pay any attention to timid hints on what it is time to return the money or their part.
After another two years, the Aleksandra itself is starting to go no matter, and it requires returning debt already in a tougher form. There is no limit to indignation of the girlfriend: such insults pop up, what Sasha did not even guess. She learns about himself a lot of new things: And about how once in the school led from Ani Boy, about how her whole life "easily". Yes, and what repair Anya could do on this miserable amount!
Satisfied Sasha writes poisonous posts on social networks. The money is no longer returned, the end of the friendship comes with many years of friendship … This happens to many of us, and we wonder: why don’t friends justify our trust?
Here are five reasons that explain this behavior.
1. Friend perceived your money as a gift
Perhaps he was originally not going to return to you borrowed, deciding that this is a gift. Emi’s etiquette specialist is advised not to alter those things or those amounts of money that you really are expensive. In other words, giving something on time to familiar or friends, be prepared to part with this forever. First of all it concerns books.
2. He forgot about the debt
Maybe he even deny the likelihood itself that he could borrow something. What is this: forgetfulness or pretense? So the Council for the Future: Take a receipt indicating the amount and period of its return. There will be enough email to refresh memory.
3. You have different valuables
You may have been driving, scrupulously keep home accounting and carefully plan all the costs, and your friend lives one day and does not know what will be at the end of the month. She treats money differently: today there is no tomorrow – such is life. And she has no motivation to return them, if she is again on the mel.
4. Friend believes that you will not require debt
Perhaps you are perceived as a well-educated person who will not raise noise because of some "minor" amount. Wanting to return money, borrowed to friends, you risk a reputation of a generous and secured person. Especially if you paid for a friend in a restaurant or helped him with shopping, surcharges for the thing you like.
5. A friend believes he is more important for you
… and uses this. This is a reason to generally revise your relationship with people. Perhaps lenting large amounts, you are trying to deserve the location of others. Money in exchange for friendship? This is not the most reliable investment.
Let’s talk about it
Is there any way to appeal to conscience and return debt without scandal? Unfortunately, there is no 100% guarantee tactics, but maybe, for example, help the conversation one on one in the cafe. The main thing is that you be alone and no one interfered. Avoid harsh wording, do not lead yourself as a bailiff. Your monologue may look like this: "I was glad to lend you this amount a couple of months ago, but I hoped that you would return money before I had to pay for the apartment. Now they are very necessary for me. When you feel comfortable to give me a debt?"
If a friend is silent or responding vaguely, hint that they are not ready to wait infinitely: "I hope that we are all walked over the next month. Perhaps you can give me a part of the amount today?"
Financial relations in reality can be a marker of your life position, the ability to defend their own interests.