Why men do not ask for help and what it turns around

Why men do not ask for help and what it turns around

Women in the process of divorce are ready to divide their experiences with loved ones while men prefer to stay alone and pretend that they have no problems. What will have to pay for this self-deception and how to avoid it?

In a difficult situation – in particular, when divorced – men prefer to "remain men" and refuse to help. "This may be due to the fact that during the stress of the male brain is not so actively as female, slows down the production of hormone pleasure, oxytocin, – Psychologist Fallan Jacob believes. – It turns out that women are more likely to fight with a stressful state, but men brain signals that the situation is although heavier, but still tolerant. This "hormonal deception" is too expensive both men themselves and their loved ones ".

Despite social changes in society, many representatives of strong sex are not ready to recognize that they can be painful, lonely and even scary, – these qualities still do not fit with the ideas about masculinity. Such installations do not leave opportunities to openly express their experiences, and when divorced, all stages of the grinding, which men are needed just like women.

Men are deprived of support. They rarely turn to a psychologist and are not ready to talk about what happened to their friends and loved ones. And since it is difficult to cope with experiences alone, they often begin to deny what is happening, convincing themselves and those who are surrounding that everything is in order with them. Depreciation of their experiences pounds into a new trap, which over time only strengthens the state of depression.

What consequences are men trying to cope with everything?

Worsen health

The condition of the hidden stress undermines the body. Chronic diseases are exacerbated and new appears. Increasing depression begins to affect work, relationships with friends and colleagues.

Faith is lost

Since work and achievements directly affect the self-identification of men, the feeling of their own inefficiency "de-energizes". Self-confidence and desire to move forward.

Suffer relations with children

"It’s hard to constantly walk in the mask" everything is good ", because children are sensitive to falsely, – Reminds Fallan Jacob. – a small child can still take and distract games, but if the divorce fell on teenage age, children will need a sincere conversation with his father. And often he is not able to build this dialogue, as itself remains in a weakened emotional state and needs help ".

Sometimes the increasing depression also turns out to be indirectly the reason that the fathers after the divorce refuse to regularly meet with children.

Why men do not ask for help and what it turns around

"Trying to cure from depression in a new relationship, men confuse their lives even more."

Natalia Arzybasheva, Gestalt therapist

After a divorce, men who often deny the idea of ​​support from the outside, it is important to assert and feel better. And one of the fastest ways – make a new relationship.

Small reference: hormones acting on the brain and responsible for the feeling of happiness, four: oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphin. For a woman oxytocin – the most natural way to obtain pleasure and effective reduction in stress. To get it, often enough hugs and sense of community. Men are trying to look for pleasure in achievements for which dopamine is responsible. And a new girlfriend, and often not one, it contributes. However, feeling dulled, and stress is not reduced.

At the same time, the woman is often intentionally chosen by younger, and even such to fit the adopted beauty standards, – so increases the production of serotonin, directly related to the feeling of growth of status and respect. Symbolically, a man is trying to show the environment, how much can afford.

However, the crowd of admiring observers will sooner. Here it must be supported by endorphine, amplifying from unrestrained sex. But these emotions come to no. Gradually, the holiday of life is replaced by burning. New relationships do not help if a man is trying to press them from depression. It is necessary to survive, burn and rethink parting, make a new experience and knowledge of oneself out of it.

What can help a person in this situation? Lead to a psychologist. The man is scary to look weak, but without help it turns out to be in a dead end. The need for support increases, and it is increasingly difficult to operate and forces to cope less. The greatest trust, of course, causes an authoritative man who he himself went to a psychologist and helped him.

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