Why men don’t understand us and how to change it

Why men don’t understand us and how to change it

In relations, we are still offended by the partner: I’m not interested in our problems, listening inattentively, does not support emotionally. But at these most moments, men suffer from misunderstanding no less. How do they perceive our behavior and what we can change? Psychologist comments on four typical situations.

Ungratefulness and indifference

Men often think that the woman them does not value and everything they do for her and family perceives as due.

"I work a lot so that my wife and child live is worthy," confesses Matvey. – However, never asked for my success, did not support. I would like to feel that my efforts appreciate and my wife is proud of ".

Why a woman does that

"A woman can appreciate a man, but she has no idea how important it is to thank and praise each other. It could not find this experience in the parent family, – says Gestalt therapist Natalia Arzybasheva. – A man should try to praise her himself and directly talk about her need to hear from her praise.

Perhaps such a feminine behavior is associated with a hidden offense, and this is a kind of message: "You offended me, well, I lish you praise". Message is unclear and dangerous for relationships.

In other words, a woman and himself may not be enough attention from the man, but she does not speak directly about it. The only way to change is to clarify what happened, and resolve the situation independently or with a specialist ".

Constant depression and expectation of support

If a woman is not in the mood all the time, a man often takes it to his account. It makes him feel guilty.

"I do not understand why women are all complicated so much," Andrei says. – It happened a difficult day at work? Will be different. Do not like the work? Need to change. It is unpleasant that a girlfriend constantly criticizes? Why do you have in friends? Life is much easier. ".

Why a woman does that

Men are better able to share the emotional and rational sphere. By making a decision, cease to reflect and prefer to act. The woman at a difficult moment is often needed not so much practical assistance or advice as a sense of routine. It is born mutually renovation.

"Women are more sensitive to detail, this is an evolutionary mechanism, the reverse side of what they know how to distinguish the pussy of the baby thirty-three options for his mood," explains Natalia Artzybasheva. – In addition, both sexes are coping with stress in different ways.

Men usually need to be done something or forget. A woman needs to talk and stay together with someone close. Men are waiting for a clear instruction from a woman what to do. And when they do not get – feel guilty and confused ".

Talk "Nothing"

Detailed narration that not very attractive attention seems to many men obsessive.

"Sometimes she talks about things that I am not interested in and are clearly not very important for our relationship," says Vadim. – Then I just go to my thoughts. She blames me that I ignore her interests, and the quarrel is incorporated ".

Why a woman does that

Women can be attentive to the world of another person, demonstrate more than men, willingness to listen and discuss the problem. And expect the same emotional return from their half. The fact that men call "boring and excessive details", for a woman can be an important part of life.

Why men don't understand us and how to change it

"In pairs, mutual learning is very important, and there is nothing wrong with to inform the partner, how best to support us, what can, but you can not expect from us, – Natalia Arztsybasheva believes. – about seemingly endless discussions worth a negotiation that, for example, the topics of fashion and family cases of girlfriends you can not discuss, but about the psychology of communication and raising children are ready to listen carefully and look for a joint decision.

It is important to identify these borders and rely on the amount of time spent in discussions, and its quality. But silent "care in your thoughts" – the road to an imperceptible distance from each other ".

Addiction

Does she have his own life and friends? Men often are interested in this issue before you decide to build a close relationship. They fear whether a woman will be too encroaching on their independence and deprive the opportunity to spend time at its discretion.

"It is important for me that the woman I love, missed and wanted to be with me. However, I don’t want it to seek to spend together all his free time, "Mikhail admits.

Why a woman does that

Young women are indeed strongly tied to the house and partner and impress the combined time dependent. Often it is called nesting instinct.

"So an oxytocin manifests itself – a neurotheater responsible for motherhood and pleasure from proximity and compatibility," said the expert. – In the future, the presence of children greatly raises the level of anxiety – this is a natural evolutionary mechanism.

Young not anxious mothers have long ate tigers. So anxiety fixed in us and helped survive. The desire to rely on a man is largely due to the same ".

However, if we are talking about painful dependence on the partner, when a woman makes him the center of all life and responsible for his psychological well-being, it is a reason to contact a specialist.

Why men don't understand us and how to change it

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