Why mutual love turns into mutual claims
Once we were interested and expensive everything that happened in the life of a loved one. We shared impressions and experiences, hurried to please each other. Why, over time, we begin to appreciate only practical benefits and comfort of living together? And how it destroys the Union? Reflects Coach Steve Horsman.
Max glowed from happiness, at our meetings in a friendly circle he could only talk about his new love. He recently met her family.
"As I was lucky," Max admitted. – She is an amazing woman ". "What is it expressed?"Asked one of the friends. "Would you see, as she communicates, – Max shared his observations with great pleasure. – She is so attentive, able to listen and help. She is adored by children and animals. In all she sees good. And how she laughs! Next to her feel happy ".
A year before that, Max survived a heavy divorce. It was a solution to his wife, she said that he no longer loves him and leaves. Then I asked Max: "And you love her?"- and he answered the affirmative. To the question, what is the road to him, Max replied: "She is a beautiful mother and cares about family. In many ways, thanks to her help, I managed not to be distracted by life and build a career ".
Obviously, all this was said sincerely, but did not reflect feelings and emotions. He recalled everything that his wife did for him. Now, describing a new sweetheart, he said first of all that she meant it for him. When I drew his attention to this, he agreed, noticing: "My wife and I stopped hearing each other. And it was no longer corrected. ".
From the experience of working with couples, I know that women are more sensitive to the moment in the relationship. What it is? This is the moment when a man begins to appreciate only the concern that she gives him and children, but ceases to see a woman in it. She feels that her husband doesn’t matter that she has in the soul, the main thing is that the familiar order of things is supported in the family. He seems to him, he still loves his wife, but the attitude becomes pragmatic. He appreciates her not for being just in his life, but for what she does for him.
Of course, it would be unfair to blame only men in it. Women over time, too, forget about the qualities that once loved in a partner, and begin to consider the Union as a small corporation with a clear charter of rights and duties of the parties.
The most common reason we suddenly lose the ability to love and respect each other, lies in an infinite domestic competition. Who is right now and who must give up? Is it enough with us with love, warm and attention? Do we give more than what we get in return?
The partner turns into a provisional resource providing us, which is obliged to make us happy. But love and happiness is not something that automatically gives the family union. We must invest them in marriage.
Relationships give an invaluable opportunity to learn how to love selflessly and take another. But instead of happily and generously give love and attention to the close, we enter the competition with him, who will get more. And if one of us it seems that he loses and gets not enough, he himself ceases to give: care, admiration for a partner, the desire to make something pleasant for him. The own lagoon of love seems empty to us, and we are unhappy that the partner does not rush to fill it. However, it will not be able to fill it out, besides us.
Over time, we feel that from the relationship goes the main thing, where they started: the ability to see in the beloved person is not what makes it a comfortable cohabitant, but what makes him himself. Some are content with this, others change the partner to repeat the script again. I sincerely wish my friend Max, so that this scenario in his life changed.