Why my life does not change

Why my life does not change?

If you ask yourself this question – obviously, your life does not suit you. But, no matter how unhappy you feel – you are quite adapted to your life. Most likely, now there are no critical events that require mobilization, making urgent decisions, exit from the comfort zone, and therefore changes. Alas, a person’s desire to change is included in the conflict with the need to preserve the constancy of the internal environment. The desire for homeostasis is inherent in any living organism. Usually, homeostasis is advised to use to bodily phenomena – but to mental life, the law of homeostasis is also quite applicable.

Ryan McMalllin writes about it like this:

There is one truth that many therapists have already known, but in public they mention it infrequently. Despite the fact that it takes 10 years of practice with thousands of customers to open it, most therapists refuse to discuss it in their books, write about it in their magazines or mention in conversation with colleagues. This is one of the most regrettable and sad aspects of the work of the therapist and one of the main reasons for stress for many mental health professionals.

What is this truth? Everything is simple: customers do not change until they are forced to do it. Most customers, even if they change, make it very painful and small chambers, many continue to suffer because of their problem, until some crisis make them make a choice. Even during the crisis, customers will delay the choice until the last and to the latter will avoid choices associated with changes. They will continue the inevitable until absolutely will unambiguously be able to leave.

Little to want to attract trouble in your life as an effective motivator. Own life I want to control, and I want to change – at the optimal stress level. That life is the same as now, but at the same time – better. Perhaps it? I think yes.

What prevents the desired change?

Often – pretty simple things.

1. You do not know what you want. Any changes begin with awareness of their needs. The desire to change "something" – This is an attempt to escape from emptiness on the place where your need should be. Bad contact with your own needs leads to apathy, and people talk about the desire of change – where it is more precise to talk about a desire to feel something, to be something affected, impressed.

It happens if you were not listened to your desires, and too much wanted for you. In your life there were too many doubt and too little sincere issues – what do you want? You are not accustomed to asking this question to yourself, but used to act, submitting to ownership – now, perhaps, not parent, but social.

Even if you change, because you "necessary" change – changes will not bring you satisfaction. Stopping. Listen to yourself – Do you now do what you really want? Perhaps at first it will not be easy.

2. You do not accept yourself. You too want to change to not be to those who you are now. In this case, the path to change is generally abandon this aspiration, and for starting to get into your own life.

Paradoxical theory of changes A. Baserers, which has been a philosophical basis for humanistically oriented therapists for many years, says the following:

Why my life does not change

The change occurs when someone becomes who he is, but not when he is trying to become who he is not. The change occurs not as a result of the forced attempts of the individual to change or another person to change it, it occurs if the individual spends time and effort to be those who he is – t.E. be fully involved in its current position. By refusing the role of the Creator Change, we give the significance and orderliness of the change that may happen.

It really seems paradoxical, but this is a fact. To go somewhere – you need to understand where you start. To take a step in the desired direction – you need to rely on the feet. But if all your energy focuses in the future – you are deprived of supports in the present.

3. You do not commit a deed. It seems so obvious: so that something has changed – you need to do something differently. As Albert Einstein said, "The biggest stupidity is to do the same and hope for another result".

But precisely because of the utmost simplicity of this idea – some people, especially sensible and reflective forget about it. Change themselves from the inside, waiting for the consequences in the form of changes outside, which will be in mystical way without performing actions.

You want to change the job, so I read 10 books about the career – but forgot to send the resume. You want to establish a personal life, so attended a psychologist for many years, dealing with children’s injuries that prevent building relationships – but you do not meet new people.

Do not think that I deny the importance of any internal preparation – in no case. I know that for any changes you need to accumulate an internal resource, otherwise an attempt to do without thinking – will only lead to another retavatic. But between extremes "what’s there to think – you need to jump" and "prayed for winning the lottery, but never bought a lottery ticket" – There is a golden middle. Perhaps you already have a sufficient resource, but you do not decide to check? Pull the hand of life – let it affect you.

Why my life does not change

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